Baby On Board
by Ephitania
Summary: More father-to-be antics on John's part


'Baby on Board'  
By: Phi Phi 'Le Trelk'  
  
"Hey D'Argo, come here. Take a look at this." John couldn't control himself. "Well? What do ya think?" He held up a large pink T-shirt with the phrase "Baby on Board embroider across the front in white with a large red arrow pointing down.  
  
D'Argo stared silently for a moment. "What is that?"  
  
"It's a shirt man! You've seen them before." John turned it over looking at it again. "It's for Aeryn. Women wear these on Earth all the time." John glanced from D'Argo to the shirt and back again, wiggling his eyebrows. "It's a tradition, pink or pale blue, they're the colors for pregnant women world wide."  
  
D'Argo looked at the T-Shirt dubiously. "Hm, well I don't think that pink is.uh.really Aeryn's color. Black, gray, blue, red, burnt orange maybe, but pink? I don't think so." D'Argo shook his head emphatically.  
  
"Pink's great for Aeryn. It's a softening color and Aeryn needs soft." John insisted, folding the shirt.  
  
"Yeah.but pink?" D'Argo shuddered at the mere thought of Aeryn in pink. "No.uh.John that's just wrong."  
  
"She'll love it." John danced out of the maintenance bay with the shirt in his hands.  
  
D'Argo followed more slowly. "I say she won't."  
  
"Ahhh give it a rest Rasta-man!" John used his best Jamaican accent. "My lady will love it! It emphasizes the peanut." At D'Argo's confused stare, he added. "You know, the belly."  
  
"Now I know she won't like it!" D'Argo snorted.  
  
"Yes, she will!" John insisted.  
  
"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you." D'Argo muttered, following his disturbed and misguided friend.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What.is.it?" Aeryn held the T-shirt between her index finger and her thumb in disdain.  
  
Chiana moved closer to stare at the article. "I think it's the draddest!"  
  
Aeryn glared at Chiana. "Then you take it!"  
  
"It's a shirt Aeryn."  
  
"Yes John, I know, but what does this Baby on Board mean?" She asked. "The baby's not on board. Not independently anyway."  
  
D'Argo piped in. "John says that it's a tradition on Earth.  
  
Aeryn considered the offensive article of clothing. "Earth?"  
  
"Yeah John says that all pregnant women wear them."  
  
John crooked his head sideways at D'Argo. "What are you.like my own personal 'front man'? Pipe down, the peanut gallery is closed for cleaning!"  
  
Aeryn frowned again. "You force your women to wear something like this? I don't remember seeing any of these on any of the women when we were there."  
  
"No! We do not force.you didn't see any pregnant women while we were there. Look! Women wear them because they're cute." John held the shirt up to Aeryn's chest. "Hm.uh.hun it might be a little snug, now that you've put on a lot more weight since earth.." John shut his eyes in self-recrimination, the second the fool hearty words left his lips. Wincing, he braced himself for the prenatal fallout.  
  
Aeryn snatched the shirt from her chest and John's fingers and threw it at D'Argo, who snatched the offensive article in mid-air before dropping it on the table. "A LOT MORE WEIGHT!!! ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?!!"  
  
"NO..AERYN.I!!!" John tried unsuccessfully to calm her, but he knew from past experience that her tirade was far from over.  
  
Aeryn's expression clouded up almost immediately. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU THINK THAT I'M FAT! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ACTUALLY STOOD THERE AND SAID THAT I'M FAT!"  
  
"AERYN.NO.NOT FAT.I DIDN'T SAY FAT.SWEET.IT'S JUST BABY FA..UH BABY.IT'S JUST BABY!" John raised his hands in supplication. "Baby, you know that I think you're the most beautiful woman in the universe." She was a bit calmer now maybe he could fix this after all. "Honey, please.I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me." He touched her arm hesitantly.  
  
Aeryn snatched her arm away. "Oh I know exactly what got into you.or rather what got into that big mouth of yours! YOUR FOOT!!!!" She turned and marched to the door, encountering Rygel in the doorway.  
  
Rygel grumbled sleepily at Aeryn. "Must you continue to rant about like some sort of crazed Rezbeta? Some of us would like to get a little rest!"  
  
Aeryn growled in Rygel's direction before reaching out and smacking him across the top of the head, effectively shoving his sled out of her way. "Shut up slug!"  
  
Rygel didn't take the hint. "Oh! It's always you two!" He pointed at both Aeryn and John. " Noisy in bed and out of it!"  
  
D'Argo's growl, John's yell, Chiana's grumble and Aeryn's hiss all hit Rygel at the same time. "SHUT UP RYGEL!"  
  
"Hmph! I'm right you know!"  
  
John moved threateningly toward Rygel's floating figure. "Sparky.so help me. if you don't shut that wakked hole of yours, I'll bounce your ass right outta here. How are you at breathing when there's no air? Hmm?"  
  
Rygel swallowed and moved out of John's reached. Managing to just miss Chiana's kick. "You love causing trouble, you fekkik!" She hissed.  
  
"ME! They're the ones keeping up all the frelling dren! Arrrrgh!" Rygel yelped and then swore profusely as Chiana yanked his earbrow. "You little tralkie bitch! How dare you touch me, a Dominar!"  
  
"GUIDO!" John turned quickly back to Aeryn. "Aeryn, honey.baby.sweetie, please forgive me. I'm a guy; we say stupid things! Baby please, I didn't mean it!" he turned to D'Argo for help, who immediately shrugged, shook his head and began to clean his fingernails. "Punk!" John whispered in his direction.  
  
Aeryn swung back towards John. "What?"  
  
"No Aeryn, not you. I was talking to D'Argo. Whoa!" John skipped two steps back out of Aeryn deadly reach, when she began to move in his direction once again. God spare him from the hormonal mood swingage that was his wife's emotions during this 'Oh So' blessed event.  
  
"Oh! So you have time to talk to D'Argo then? Well since it is apparent that our conversation is not as important as yours and D'Argo's, perhaps you would like to continue it tonight! While your moving your things out of our room! After all you two share so much, why not share more important things like QUARTERS!" Not waiting for a response she stormed out of the room.  
  
Chiana ran to catch up with her furious friend. "Hey Aeryn.ya..ya..you know how Crichton is. He never thinks before.before he opens his mouth. Come on..ya.you don't really want to kick him out do you?" She and D'Argo had plans tonight!  
  
John stood completely amazed, trying to figure out how the gift of a pink maternity shirt had ended in his being ejected from his own private quarters. "WOW! Watch out guys! Pregnant woman walking!" John rubbed his forehead and temples. "We've got four more months of this. I may not make it."  
  
D'Argo's gaze followed Aeryn's stormy progress. Clearing his throat he addressed John. " I told you she wouldn't like it."  
  
John turned an exasperated gaze in D'Argo's direction. "Nobody likes a know- it-all, Mr. Peabody!" he walked to the door. "So tell me something, Wonder Luxan. Why is it that when I need you to talk, nothing and I mean nothing short of a naked Nebari with a little Nookie in mind, can rip those lips of yours apart! But when I don't need your worldly advice or that Einstein- like wit of yours mouth is moving like the Midnight train to Georgia?!" shaking his head he left the room.  
  
D'Argo thrust a finger in John's direction. "Hey! I warned you, but did you listen? No! So why should I take a chance on waking up tentacleless because your mate doesn't like pink!"  
  
John clicked his tongue. "Know something else old buddy.old pal 'O' mine? Nobody likes a smart ass either!" John continued moving down the corridor  
  
"Hey where are you going?" D'Argo shouted at John's swiftly departing frame.  
  
"To get my sleeping bag and my toothbrush. Mommy said that I could sleep over, remember?" John twirled his fingers in the air. "Oh yeah D, nobody likes a smart ass either!"  
  
D'Argo shrugged apathetically. He stopped suddenly, remembering that Chiana had found a new toy and wanted to try it out tonight. "Frell!" D'Argo hurried out of the room after his friend, vowing that if John didn't patch things up with Aeryn by the sleep cycle he might just have to kill him. "Four months of this? Somebody is definitely going to have to die!"  
  
Rygel moved into the center of the chamber. He glided towards the table and stared down at the t-shirt. "Farbot.all of them have simply gone farbot!" Peeking around to make sure the coast was clear, he snatched the t-shirt up from the table and stuffed it into his throne sled. "Hideous, but it will do." He sped off to his quarters, humming. "Hmm.hmm.hmm." 


End file.
